Reddit (especially r/okcupid) is a great resource if you’re looking for a sounding board, feedback, or advice around dating on OkCupid.

Since the subreddit has existed, however, tons of ground has been covered. And the same questions come up over and over again.

The OkCupid Reddit wiki tries to capture the best of these questions and answers but can be a bit unweildly itself.

Here’s what believe to be the top 3 best-of-the-best advice from Reddit OkCupid.

#1) Reddit’s OkCupid Self-Summary Advice

DO

1. Do try writing this section last. Use the freestyle nature of this section to fill in anything you feel you didn’t get the chance to say in the rest of your profile.

2. Do focus on who you /are/. The things you /like/ and the things you /do/ belong in other sections. What is it these things are supposed to tell us about your character?

3. Edit weekly.

DON’T

1. Don’t say you suck at self-summaries. Lots of people dislike trying to summarize their complicated personality into a couple of paragraphs in a way they’re comfortable with. You probably don’t want to be lumped in with lots of people.

2. Don’t portray negativity or entitlement! This is supposed to be the hook to your profile and coming off as either of those will turn away tons of viewers. Nobody wants to be around a stuck up little brat.

3. Don’t write out your whole goddamned life story.

#2) Reddit’s OkCupid First Message Advice

DO

• Keep it light.
• Be interesting in the first 100 characters. This is important because the introduction is visible before the message is even opened.
• Keep it short. 2-4 sentences is an acceptable length. Be aware that you’re not the only message in their inbox, and lengthy messages can get skimmed or skipped.
• Show interest in getting to know them vs. smalltalk
• Demonstrate that you’ve read their profile
• Attempt to ask a question they haven’t heard before. If not, dive a bit deeper into a topic they probably get quite often.
• Use correct spelling, grammar and punctuation.
• Imagine yourself talking to this person in real life. Don’t write anything you wouldn’t say to their face. Don’t write anything that sounds too obvious or stupid.
• Only initiate conversations you WANT to have. Don’t ask someone about his/her interest in a topic just because (s)he’s cute. If nothing interests you personally, let it go.

DON’T

• Write just “hi, hello, hey there, etc.” and expect to get a response. /u/Lachryman says, “I say ‘Hey’ to my coworkers every morning. I’m not trying to date any of them.“
• Copy/paste. For the love of all that is wonderful in this world, please put forth some effort if you’re trying to find someone to be with.
• Say “why don’t you have a BF/GF? You’re too attractive to be single.”
• Send any kind of first message that you wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to someone in public.
• Spend a bunch of time to introduce yourself, tell your life story, or explain why you don’t think the person will message you back.
• Mention how attractive you think he/she is in an opening message.
• Open all possible topics of conversation or ask lots of questions in one question. Let the conversation flow and ask new questions in a lull.
• Invest too heavily in a profile or message. It will hurt more if they never respond.
• Be afraid to ask me out during our first or second message.
• Speak in slang, memes, ol’ timey, or anything that isn’t who you are.
• Give a fuck.
• Mention sex for a while.
• Neg, belittle, or clearly offend. (For those that don’t know, negging is the practice of offering a backhanded compliment through a method of a borderline insult, or “Low-grade insults meant to undermine the self-confidence of another individual so they might be more vulnerable to your advances and seek your approval.”)

#3) Reddit’s OkCupid Profile Photo Advice

DO

From our very own /u/mattheikkila’s OKCuTips: “Your first photo should either show how attractive you can be, or be interesting enough to compel those you’re interested in to click on it when it’s a little 60×60 pixel thumbnail. Picking an odd, silly, weird, or goofy picture is probably not the best choice. I personally will click on a profile only if there is a reasonable chance that they’re attractive, and I do this for 3 reasons: 1 is to save time, 2 is because it’s a dating site and I’m only going to consider someone I find attractive, and 3 is because I don’t want to unnecessarily give the message that I may be interested (by showing up in their visitor list) if I’m definitely not. Usually a face shot with good lighting, no bathroom shots, or self shots if you can help it. Also, you can help it. Do you have one friend? Do you or they have a camera or a camera phone?

Your second and third photos should be flattering, and one of the three should be a full body shot, because there’s no point in dealing with the embarrassment of finding out one of you even accidentally misrepresented what you look like in person.”

1. Your first picture is the most important piece of the profile puzzle. It’s the first thing people see when searching profiles, and can be the make-or-break decision in less than five seconds of someone knowing of your existence. So, DO pick your absolute best picture! It must have great lighting, great composure, high resolution, and most importantly your best features being the most prominent eye-catcher in the picture. Also, when cropping, make sure to capture that essence because your thumbnail is your representative on the site.

2. DO have a few pictures alone, and a few with other people. Having lots of one and very few of the other will give bad impressions of either being too anti-social and difficult to mesh with your match’s friends, or too clung to your friends and activities to have time for a partner.

3. Do show variety. Different places, different times, different moods, different atmospheres, different poses and different facial expressions will do more to show how multi-faceted of a person you are than any amount of words you type out describing it.

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You could ask r/OkCupid for feedback, but statistically, the handful of opinions you’ll get is very scant. Further, someone on Reddit OkCupid might say you look “bad” in one picture or “better” in another. But how often do you find out why a photo is good or bad?

What if none of your pictures are doing you justice? Most people (men especially) use pics that don’t do them justice at all. What they need is some hard data and real guidance for how to do better.

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