Struggling to come up with an online dating first message that will get a response? Turns out, most men fear writing that first message, so you’re not alone.
The good news is we’ve got you covered with 5 online dating first message strategies (with copy-and-paste examples to get you started).
But First, 2 Quick Tips
Use their name.
Research shows people really like hearing (or reading) their name. A general rule of thumb for an online dating first message is if you can organically and naturally work their name in, you should.
Ask a question.
You’re much more likely to get a response from your match if your online dating first message asks a fun or unusual question. This will pull your match out of auto pilot swiping mode and switch her attention to you. Jumping right into a specific convo shows experience chatting up women.
Online Dating First Message #1: ___ or ___?
An open-ended question like “What kind of things are you into?” is kinda boring to answer, and forces your match to steer the direction the convo will go in.
An either/or question format is assertive, and takes charge in a sexy way.
You: Peanuts or almonds?
Cait: Almonds 100%. I’m actually allergic to peanuts!
You: Oh shoot…so you’re telling me Reeses aren’t a part of your life? 😳
Cait: Haha no unfortunately 😭😭😭
You: Jon Snow or Khal Drogo?
Leanna: Asking the right questions
Leanna: And the impossible ones
Leanna: God, I guess I’d have to go with Khal Drogo. Less broody…and pale.
Online Dating First Message #2: Last Thing
It’s deceivingly simple to ask the last thing your match did as your online dating first message, but it’s a super effective strategy. This is the kind of question a friend would ask, so you are starting things off intimately without coming off as creepy.
The “last thing” could be anything — last book she read, last podcast she listened to, last cool restaurant she went to … the list is endless, and easy to tailor to an interest she mentions in her bio.
You: Hi, Madeline. What’s the last trip/vaca you’ve taken?
Madeline: Hey! I went to L.A. last month, and it was pretty great
You: Awesome! What kind of stuff did you do there?
Madeline: I was only there a weekend, but I checked out Malibu, Calabasas, and Echo Park area mostly.
You: Last movie you went to see in the theater?
Casey: Hey! Captain Marvel!
You: Ah, I saw that last weekend! What did you think?
Casey: I felt like the beginning was a little slow, but I liked it overall
Online Dating First Message #3: Dinner Guest
Asking your match who inspires her is a really good way to get to know someone. Just be ready for her to turn around and ask who you’d want to have dinner with too.
You: Sara, if you could have dinner with anyone (living or dead), who would it be?
Sara: Hmmm…Amelia Earhart is pretty freaking inspiring. I’d love to chat with her and pick her brain
Sara: What about you?
You: Andrea, hi :) Who would you most want to have dinner with, of anyone in the world?
Andrea: hey! I’d actually really like to meet Warren Buffet. His values are on point, and maybe he could give me tips on how to make more $ 😂
Online Dating First Message #4: Top Five
An easy and fun way to get your match talking about her interests is to ask her top five favorite…anything. You could come up with something random, or get bonus points for relating your top five question to something in her bio.
(Meg’s bio states that she’s a movie buff)
You: Hey, Meg! What would you say your top 5 favorite movies are?
Meg: Hey! Ummm…probably The Pelican Brief, Catch Me If You Can, On Golden Pond, She’s All That, and Fight Club!
You: Hey! Top five favorite breakfast foods…go
Serena: hahaha ok
Serena: eggs benedict, cheese omelet, leftover pizza, waffles with blueberries, and yogurt parfait
Online Dating First Message #5: Bio Question
Use your online dating first message to prove that you didn’t only swipe based on her photos and adorable smile. It can feel creepy and too forward to immediately mention or compliment her looks.
Show you’re deeper and mature by asking a specific follow up question about something in her bio.
(Audrey’s bio says she can’t get enough of concerts)
You: So Audrey, your bio says you’re a concert junkie…what’s your all-time favorite band?
Audrey: That’s so hard! I’d have to go with Muse as absolute favorite though. What about you?
(Lily’s bio mentions she teaches yoga)
You: So Lily, what’s the first thing you would teach a newb like me about yoga?
Lily: Hey! Haha have you been to a class before?
You: No, but I’ve been wanting to give it a try!
Lily: Awesome! Well a lot of yoga is about mindfulness and awareness more than nailing poses!
First Messages ALWAYS Work Better When Your Pics are 🔥🔥🔥
If your pic is meh, whatever you say will seem less charming or interesting. A good pic is a huge advantage in chatting someone up effectively.
Pinpoint your best dating pics by testing them on Photofeeler.
Photofeeler tells you exactly how your photos are coming across to women (or men). You might be shocked at which of your pics are actually most attractive.