How to Start a Tinder Conversation: EXACTLY What to Say (First Message to Date)

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How to start a conversation on Tinder (what to say)

Don’t know how to start a conversation on Tinder? Not sure what to say to a girl/guy in a first message on Tinder (or how to respond to their “hey” or “hi”)?

Good news is starting a good Tinder conversation is easier than you think. This article will show you how to start a Tinder conversation with exactly what to say to a girl/guy in those first few Tinder messages. We’ll even show you how to turn the Tinder conversation into a real-life date.

Option #1: Start a Tinder Conversation with Their Name & a Food Question

What to say for how to start a conversation on Tinder - name and question

This sounds simple, but it’s oh, so effective: using someone’s name as soon as you “meet” them creates a sense of familiarity without coming off as creepy. It also shows you’ve actually taken the time to notice their name, instead of using the mindless copypasta approach.

Second, asking a quick question gets the conversation going immediately. Because leaving things at “hey” or “hi” in your first message ALMOST NEVER gets a reply or turns into a conversation on Tinder. (Unless that lucky person wrote “hey” to you, in which case you’re going to get the conversation rolling with this approach.)

Technically the question doesn’t have to be food-related, but first messages about food tend to get a lot of replies, so. 🍕


You: Mara! Mac & cheese or pizza?
Mara: Mac ‘n’ cheese, no question
Mara: A little bacon on top? Perfection
You: Damn, I like where your head’s at

You: Hi, Candice. What are your thoughts on adding peas to guac?
Candice: Ugh, my mom tries to do this, she thinks no one will notice
Candice: It’s as gross as you would imagine
You: I’m sorry you’ve had this trial. Sure, maybe it’s fewer calories, but at what cost?

Option #2: Start a Tinder Conversation with a Game

What to say for how to start a conversation on Tinder - get to know you game

Get-to-know-you games (like Would You Rather or Kiss, Marry, Kill) are awesome for starting conversations on Tinder because they give you a topic to discuss immediately.

Guys are usually told to start Tinder conversations with a joke, but jokes are waaaay less effective than games. When you start a conversation on Tinder with a joke, what is the desired outcome? She responds “haha”? And… that’s it? If there’s any hope of turning that first message into a conversation into a date, the guy has to start a real conversation from scratch after the joke is finished. Start a real conversation from the output instead — and make it fun with a game!


You: F, marry, kill: John Oliver, John Legend, Lon Hamm
Priscilla: Easy, f John Legend, marry Jon Hamm, kill John Oliver.
Priscilla: Ok, your turn
Priscilla: F, marry, kill…Charlize Theron, Beyonce, Kate Upton

You: Would you rather go sightseeing in Europe or lay on a beach in the Caribbean?
Livvy: I’d have to pick Europe…I think I’d get bored on a beach by the 2nd day
You: Same
You: Which country would you start out with?
Livvy: Ireland!

Option #3: Start a Tinder Conversation by Referencing Something in Their Bio

What to say for how to start a conversation on Tinder - reference their bio

Okay, so no jokes, no “hey,” and while I’m at it, I’ll add another: don’t simply comment on looks. This also fails to start a real conversation or set you apart from the other 737903 people who thought to say “Wow, you’re hot.”

Referencing something they said in their bio (and asking a question about it) takes more work than other approaches but can definitely make you stand out.


(Shayla said she likes mountain biking in her bio)
You: So which trail is your favorite for biking?
Shayla: Hey! Probably Apex Park…it’s so close and has enough variety that I can do an easy ride or make it more challenging
You: Awesome! I haven’t been to that one, but I’ve heard it has good views
Shayla: Yeah, beats a stationary bike in the gym any day!

(Kate’s bio mentioned how much she loves The Office)
You: Which Office character is your favorite? (I will judge your response)
Kate: Haha this is actually really hard
Kate: I’m gonna go with Erin. She’s so chipper and enthusiastic, even when she doesn’t fully understand what’s going on

How to Turn a Tinder Conversation Into a Date

If you used one of the Tinder conversation starter examples above — and avoided lame non-starters like “What’s up?” — you’ll be having an interesting Tinder conversation right away.

Next, ask follow-up questions and comment on their answers in a light-hearted way. After some back-and-forth, ask them to meet up by saying, “Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?”

Example conversation:
Her: Yeah, beats a stationary bike in the gym any day!
You: So you like being outside. Do you camp too? I literally have never been.
Her: WAT. Are you kidding? And you live here?
You: haha I know. Well only for the last few years. Never made it out. You go a lot?
Her: No, not a lot. But you are. missing. out.
You: haha I believe you. Such conviction.
You: Hey would you be down to grab coffee sometime?
Her: Yeah sure. :)
You: Are you free at all next week — maybe Thursday?
Her: I’m busy Thursday but how about Wed?
You: Cool. How’s Cook’s Coffee in Parker? Like 5?
Her: Sure. 5 works for me!
You: Cool. It’s a plan.
Her: Looking forward to it! :)
[End of conversation]

For Best Results, Make Sure Your Pics are 👌👌👌 BEFORE You Send That First Message

Your Tinder pics aren’t just important for matching. They also determine whether your Tinder conversation fails or succeeds.

That’s because your profile pics make a huge difference in the way people “hear” your messages. There are academic studies on this.

Thing is, if she thinks you look good, she’ll love your messages. If your pics are kind of so-so, there’s always that chance she’ll find your conversation lame or off-putting for no other reason.

Get more attractive instantly by optimizing your pics on Photofeeler. Photofeeler tells you exactly how your Tinder photos are coming across to women or men. You might be shocked at which pics are actually your best!


Go to now and give it a try!

Check out more tips for starting stellar Tinder convos here: Tinder Openers | Tinder Pickup Lines