When you hear the word “tantric,” what’s the first thing that comes to mind?
If you’re thinking sexually– pull your mind out of the gutter and get ready to go deep (emotionally). We’re talking intimate questions, eye contact, trust-building and stress-relieving exercises, and a whooooole ‘nother level of emotional connection.
Of course, we couldn’t fill you in on all the details if we didn’t join the experience ourselves, so we gave ourselves a cheeky little pep talk and headed to Tantric Speed Dating.
It was awkward, uncomfortable, and we wanted to spontaneously combust into a trillion little pieces, but it was part of the process, and we’re happy we did it. Now, there wasn’t love at first “ohm,” but we could see how this works for some people!
Disclaimer: This is an account of Tantric Speed Date- Boulder. Other Tantric experiences may be set up differently.
What motivations are there to attend a Tantric Speed Dating event?
Beyond our interest in providing readers with quality ways to meet people, we were just genuinely curious to push the envelope in emotional vulnerability amongst strangers.
When you think about it, the idea is actually perfect. Instead of drawing out connections with small talk and internal panic modes of saying too much/too little– this skips all those fluffy steps and gets right into the nitty-gritty of it.
So if you find yourself exhausted by repeating the first date 20-questions phase, this could be a solid way to break that pattern.
How was the event set up?
The event was posted on Facebook with a form to reserve your spot. After booking, there are tons of resources on Youtube or via the event hosts to read up on everything tantric.
When there’s a vibe, there’s a bead.
Upon arrival, you’ll be greeted by the host(s) and provided a bag with beads (women) or an empty pouch (men). Throughout the evening, there will be multiple opportunities for a woman to put one of her beads into a man’s pouch if she feels a connection. Since the men have their eyes closed during this brief bead-swapping stage, and the beads are super light, there’s no pressure. Nobody knows who put the bead in their pouch until days after the event when hosts share your matches via email!
There are multiple activities throughout the 3-hour experience, such as:
#1. Get-to-know-you conversation starters
Now, these are not your normal “How much does a polar bear weigh?” icebreakers. No, these go immediately for the emotional jugular, asking about past relationships, future goals, and more.
#2. Stress-relieving sharing
Back to back, you and a partner will discuss some of the things that are currently stressing you out. The conversation flows back and forth, with one participant stating their stressors and their partner releasing them of this stress through mantras.
#3. Gratitude builders
Take turns stating things you’re grateful for with a partner. The time lasted just long enough to list everything without grasping at straws– and wow, we’re thankful for so much in our lives that we tend to forget. Funny how the things we’re grateful for begin to blend into our surroundings whilst the stressors continue to nag us. This activity was very eye-opening, and having partners helped remind us of even more things to be grateful for.
#4. Eye contact
You must look into your partner’s eyes for 2 minutes. Not their nose, eyebrows, or hairline– their eyes.
Were the exercises uncomfortable?
Yes, but they’re sort of intended to be.
It’s like lifting weights, your body wants to do the thing that makes it easier, but you must overpower it; that’s where the growth is.
Of course, there are ways to soothe the discomfort by finding ways around being vulnerable, but it was well worth overpowering our desire for comfort to fully grasp the experience. It gave our compass some collaboration.
What was the best part of Tantric Speed Dating?
At the end of the night, the men closed their eyes, and the women whispered something positive and thanked them for joining the event. It felt very validating and made the night what it was.
We lowkey wanted to give another guy a bead because the bromance was real, and we could see ourselves being great friends IRL.
Also, it seemed that after the first 20 minutes, everyone sort of accepted that we were in this big, awkward experience together, and the cringe-ness melted away.
What was the worst part of Tantric Speed Dating?
The beginning of the night was definitely the worst because it felt like being thrown into a giant wave pool, needing to find someone else that also felt uncomfortable to share a liferaft with. But then again, trying new things with strangers is usually scary, so?
Besides the initial “WTF-did-we-get-ourselves-into moment,” filtering the people by age would be ideal. Dividing the event into age groups would be better because there may be a better match ratio. However, the mixture of ages actually contributed to the experience in the end, and we felt less stressed by not being attracted and focusing on the vibes of people.
How to best enjoy the Tantric experience?
The facilitation and education within the event make or break everything. There were a few areas that needed more elaboration, like the activity about harnessing masculine and feminine energy. There weren’t any details about stepping into this side of yourself, so it was a bit confusing.
Still, all hosting duties aside, you can significantly impact your experience by:
- Asking yourself internal questions, like, “What does this person feel like to be present with?”
- Saying the first answer that comes to mind, or you’ll be stuck in decision paralysis forever.
- Leaning into the questions rather than trying to find the socially acceptable way to answer. It’s a safe space.
How does Tantric Speed Dating change the way you view dating now?
After the experience, online dating and IRL dating feel very different because you realize how surface-level everything is, at least at first.
For online dating, you begin to ask if this is a person you could vibe with, over “Is this person hot?” You’re more open to people as people rather than their profile picture attractiveness.
In real life, you’ll overanalyze less. Something about dating multiple people in a short period of time took the pressure off and provided clarity on desires, vibes, and if you click with a person or not. There’s no need to overthink, “Did I say the right thing? Do the wrong thing?” because you don’t need to force a puzzle piece. If the person isn’t your person, it’s okay; there are more people that’ll match your energy.
Three takeaways
- Everyone is good at something. What’s your something? What do you like in others?
- Comparisons are sometimes helpful. When you date one person at a time, there’s nothing to compare anything to, so it makes it easier to think you did something wrong instead of the difference in vibes. Sometimes, a lot of the time, two people don’t match romantically. There’s no reason to overthink it further. Chalk it up as dating enlightenment.
- Humans are humans, after all. Doing stuff you wouldn’t normally do is an adrenaline rush and reminds you about the duplexity of humankind. We’re so much more than surface level. We felt a connection with someone we would have never met outside of the Tantric Speed Dating event. And, even though it’s not romantic, it reminded us to look for that spark of connection on future dates.
Tantric Round 2?
As mind-opening as it was, we don’t think we would do the tantric dating event again because it seemed more like tantric speed friending than a chance at Mr./Mrs. Right. But, call it a tantric experience, take out the expectation of dating, then maybe we could be swayed.
Or, divide the age groups so there’s more match potential. There were about 20 people at this event, 12 men and 8 women, and it would likely attract more of a crowd if the one big event was divided by age range.
All comments aside, everything that was outside of our expectations ended up teaching us the most. Sure, it was highly uncomfortable, but we didn’t leave and cry ourselves to sleep; rather, the opposite. We felt very empowered, clear-minded, and ready again to brave the undeniable chaos that is online and IRL dating.
Wondering what vibes your photos are giving? Throw some personality-filled profile pic choices up on Photofeeler before you get swiping to attract your vibe-soulmate!
