With nearly 50% of marriages ending in divorce, a growing number of individuals are re-entering the dating scene, ready for a new chapter in their love lives. If you’re one of them, navigating this terrain can feel both exciting and daunting. This guide is here to help you rediscover yourself, find new connections, and know what to expect, hopefully making this all less scary and more welcoming!
Contents
Start with self-reflection. Who are you now?
Now, what do you want? (really)
How to get back into the dating scene
What to expect when you start dating again
Trust the process– you got this!
Ready to put yourself out there?
Start with self-reflection. Who are you now?
The end of a marriage is a significant life event, and taking time to process and heal is crucial. However, there’s only so much you can learn about yourself on your own, and you should expect to learn and change your mind as you meet and interact with new people.
It’s hard to grasp how much of your identity is residually defined by your relationship with your ex. It’s ok to start dating without a clear picture of who you are and what you want; you kinda have to figure it out as you go. Here are some questions to prompt the reflection process:
- Are you truly ready? This isn’t about rebound relationships. Are you genuinely open to new experiences, whether it’s casual dating or something more serious?
- What have you learned? Reflect on your past relationship. What patterns or issues do you want to avoid repeating? What qualities do you value in a partner now?
- Who are you as an individual? Rediscover your passions, interests, and what makes you unique. This self-awareness will attract partners who genuinely align with your values and desires. What do you like doing?
Now, what do you want? (really)
Once you’ve taken stock of yourself, it’s time to define your dating goals:
- Casual or committed? Are you looking for fun and companionship, or are you seeking a long-term partner?
- What are your non-negotiables? Identify your needs and boundaries and, when appropriate, be open to communicating them to potential partners. This is key to healthy and fulfilling connections.
On that note, here’s what to expect when dipping your toes back into the dating pool!
How to get back into the dating scene
Re-entering the dating world can be intimidating, but there are steps you can take to make it smoother:
1. Build your confidence.
Remind yourself of your strengths and what you bring to the table. Consider trying a confidence-boosting activity like a new hobby or taking a class– never hurts to try something new, and you might make a cool new connection in the process!
Getting comfortable with flirting takes time and practice and will come more easily as you gain your confidence back. Remember, you’re moving on. It’s common to experience all types of emotions, but this will fade as you embrace your new single life.
2. Choose your platform.
There are numerous dating apps and websites; some even cater to specific interests, age groups, or divorcees. But overall, stick to the main apps for the largest dating pools. Here’s more information to help make the decision easier.
3. Craft an authentic profile.
To meet someone real, you need to lead with authenticity. We can’t emphasize this enough! Show off your personality, describe your hobbies, and let people get a chance to know you. You can be humorous, descriptive, intentional, or all of the above.
We have a ton of tips on this! (Hinge tips, Tinder tips) Use Photofeeler to get feedback on your profile pictures and ensure you’re putting your best photo forward.
What to expect when you start dating again
Dating after divorce comes with its own set of unique experiences. You might think people care a lot about past marriages, and maybe some will, but the truth is– it’s not as big of a deal as you think it is.
Actually, depending on your age, people are often more concerned by a lack of commitment history than a commitment that didn’t work out. You proved you can commit to something long-term, and that’s admirable– few will fault you for it not working out.
Unless it’s fresh. If it’s fresh– people are gonna ask questions. It’s easy to assume that you might be trying to fill this hole of your past spouse rather then being open to new possibilities– and nobody wants to be a second choice.
Set realistic expectations.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to find “the one” immediately. Take things slowly and enjoy the process of getting to know new people. This is your chance to find what you’re looking for, understand who you are now, and discover what makes you tick.
People can change so much in a year or two of dating. You’ll likely look back and realize you weren’t as ready for something serious immediately as you thought; that’s okay! But if this arises in the midst of a relationship, express your feelings to avoid leading your partner on. Otherwise, give yourself grace in the new experience.
So, when do I say I was divorced?
While there’s no hard and fast rule, a third date might be a good time to mention your previous marriage if it feels natural.
The main factor to consider here is how you present the divorce. No matter how it panned out– try to keep a positive approach and, by all means, refrain from bashing your ex. Nobody wants to hear this narrative, and it will look like you’re not completely over it– which is yucky for the person sitting across from you. You’ll come off as very mature and respectful if you keep a positive narrative about your ex, focusing on what you learned in the divorce instead of pushing blame.
It’s all about the presentation.
The best-case scenario is to be asked, “How long was your longest relationship?” This would be the time to volunteer the information.
Take a second and think about how each of these statements sounds, as well as what it implies: “I was married” versus “I’m divorced.”
The first one sounds like someone wanted to spend their life with you and therefore, comes off more respectful and less heavy.
The second statement makes us feel like an old man with a heavy suitcase, harboring a negative feeling, focusing on the end of it.
Trust the process– you got this!
Divorce can feel like a big scarlet letter, but chances are high that you’re more critical of yourself than potential partners will be of you. Remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all timeline or path. Take your time, trust your instincts, and, most importantly, have fun!
Ready to put yourself out there?
If you’re considering dating apps, use caution! Photos will make or break your experience, and nearly everyone starts out sabotaging themselves with bad photos.
Use Photofeeler to get feedback from real people and know exactly how you’re coming across. You’ll get better matches and have an easier time landing dates. Try it now!
Here’s a quick example of how a little change goes a long way in photos:
