When do I text to remind them about the date?
What if they don’t text me the day of the date?
Do I send a message saying I enjoyed it? If so, when is it okay to invite them out again?

The questions regarding setting up and navigating a first date are endless. There’s no perfect playbook; much of it requires reading the room, picking up on social cues, and simply leaning into the experience. We all get a little nervous or uneasy before a first date, which is why this article aims to clarify and ease those pre-date jitters.

We’ll cover:
Seven First-Date Basics
What Women Think About First Dates
What Men Think About First Dates
Set the Tone with Photos That Truly Represent You

Seven First-Date Basics

Before we go full psychology mode, here are the simple, timeless, need-to-knows with first dates.

#1. Make a plan with a place and a time.

Plans vary depending on your intention. Are you looking to hook up, hang out, or set a foundation for a relationship? If you’re not sure what you’re looking for yet, consider planning a legit date.

Most people want to see availability before they put effort into making a plan. But instead of asking, “Hey, want to hang out on Friday?” try “Are you free on Friday?” The first question sounds like a low-effort hangout and might turn off some dates. The second question sets the stage for more official plans, just follow through with a time, date, and place.

Some women may want to choose the place, opting for a familiar spot. “Would you like me to choose the place, or do you have a favorite spot you’d like me to treat you to?” does the trick without making her feel like she’s planning the date.

#2. The first date must be in public.

Most women don’t want to meet at your house because it implies a hookup-only situation.

And, even if you’re both looking for a hit-and-run sexual situation, it’s in everyone’s best interest to grab a drink first and stir up some chemistry.

#3. Do not get blackout drunk or act like a mess on the first date.

Or any date, if we’re being honest. You’re setting yourself up for failure while putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Nerves are normal, but be careful with how much you’re drinking. You can easily bomb the date without even realizing it. Plus, a lot of the date’s enjoyment and chemistry relies on both sides reading body language and social cues, which is heavily inhibited when you consume alcohol.

#4. Be on time.

This is the first time this person is meeting you, and it’s their only evidence that you’re a responsible, considerate adult.

Factor in an extra 15 minutes to be on time. It’s beneficial to both parties; your date isn’t kept waiting, which will dampen your first impression, and you don’t show up with rushed and frazzled energy.

On a first date, fashionably late = unfashionably disrespectful.

#5. Put your phone away!

Committing to a date means committing to 1-3ish hours of no-phone attention time. Those texts can wait. It’s not enjoyable for the other person if you constantly pause to attend to someone else.

How do you know if you like the person if you’re on your phone the whole time?

#6. Conversation is a two-way street.

Both men and women appreciate when their date shows genuine interest by asking open-ended questions and actively listening. The key is balance. Avoid dominating the conversation or diving too deeply into personal issues. Instead, keep the dialogue light and focused on getting to know each other better.

A date shouldn’t feel like an interview. If it starts feeling more like LinkedIn than linking up, you’re likely too focused on facts and not enough on feelings.

Notice the difference in the two questions: “What do you do for work?” versus “What inspired you to get into this?” One prompts a short business-oriented answer, and the other ignites a conversation about their passions and interests.

#7. Follow up after the date (or don’t).

A first date can lead to two places: a second date or the void.

If you’re like “hell yeah!” to meeting up again– let your date know it! A simple text post-date sends a message (literally) that things went well, with 63% of people seeing it as a positive sign that shows interest.

If you’re not into it, it’s ok to say nothing. But if/when they text you expressing interest or asking questions, reply with a polite rejection text. Do not ghost their text message.

Send a quick message like “Hey [name], it was nice meeting you! I enjoyed our time together, but I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for. I wanted to be honest and wish you the best moving forward. Take care!”

Boom– there’s the basics. Hold your horses because we’re going inside the mind now.

What Women Think About First Dates

Safety is key.

Choosing the right venue is essential. Women often prefer public places like cafes, restaurants, or parks. Meeting at a home or secluded location can feel too intimate and potentially unsafe for a first encounter. This choice isn’t a reflection on you personally; it’s a basic precaution to ensure comfort and security.

P.S.- Saying you’re a “good guy” who “won’t try anything” isn’t convincing enough for women to come to your house immediately. In fact, it has the opposite effect because these terms are overused.

Transportation equals independence.

Many women opt to handle their own transportation, whether it’s driving themselves or taking a ride-share. This allows them the freedom to leave if they need to without feeling awkward or dependent.

You can offer before the date, and some women may take you up on it. Don’t demand; give your date an easy out if she wants to handle her ride. “Hey, would you like me to pick you up tonight, or do you feel better meeting at [insert meeting place here]?” Again, it’s not about you—it’s about creating a space where she feels completely at ease.

Confirming before the date is important.

As of 2024, it’s standard practice to confirm a date. Since there is so much ghosting and flaking, not texting the night before or on the morning of the date implies it is off. Unfortunately, people read too far into things these days. Although this isn’t ideal, it’s the expectation for communication now.

A quick “Hey, looking forward to seeing you tonight!” sets a positive, excited tone, rekindling the spark before you meet up later.

Pro Tip: Women think post-date texts are so sexy if there’s a mutual connection. Something simple like, “Hey :) Did you get home safe?” is perfect.

What Men Think About First Dates

Appreciation doesn’t go unnoticed.

Men invest time and thought into planning a date, so acknowledging this effort can mean a lot. This doesn’t have to be about splitting the bill, but simple expressions of appreciation can go a long way. It shows consideration.

Caring about your appearance matters.

Just as women appreciate thoughtful planning, men notice when their date takes time to look her best. It’s not about extravagance but rather a sign that she values the occasion and is interested. This small gesture boosts confidence and sets a positive tone for the evening.

Looking good communicates, “Hey, I want to be here! I’m dressed to impress. This date matters to me.”

Mixed signals are confusing.

If you’re enjoying yourself, show it! Mixed signals can be discouraging, so if you want to be pursued, make it clear their efforts are paying off.

Indicating interest in a second date can alleviate any doubts. On the flip side, if there isn’t a connection, it’s better to be honest—gently but clearly. Transparency prevents misunderstandings and allows both parties to move forward with clarity.

Set the Tone with Photos That Truly Represent You

From profile to in-person, how you present yourself matters, and that’s where Photofeeler can help. Get unbiased feedback on your photos to see if you’re coming across as trustworthy, smart, and attractive. It’s an easy way to ensure your online presence reflects the real you, boosting your chances of making a great impression before the date even starts.

Give it a try and take the guesswork out of your profile pictures so you can focus on connecting with someone special.