Chloe Gray, Dating Coach
Think you’re too unattractive for online dating? You’re not alone.
A good portion of online daters believe they’re too ugly for dating apps. Wanna guess what all of you have in common? You’re dead wrong.
Clients come to me all the time with the impression that their low match rate is because they’re undateable, but by the time our appointment is over their built-up fears have completely dissolved. Why, you ask? It’s because 9 times out of 10 their appearance isn’t the limiting factor — it’s that they’re doing a poor job of marketing themselves.
I’ve literally never had a client contact me to complain about a lack of results or to leave me a negative review. Am I some magical unicorn princess who solves problems with a flip of my hair and a flick of my magic wand? Of course I am, but I also offer practical advice. The truth is that dating apps can work for 99% of people if you know how to use them. With a little work, you’ll get there in no time.
Shockingly, almost all of that work involves being honest with yourself. In my experience, as someone who consults with frustrated daters for a living, your problem is probably one of the following:
I’ll be straight with you, if you’re a balding dude in your 40s, you probably won’t match with a nubile college freshman – but you can match with a 40yr old yoga instructor. If you’re 100lbs overweight, you probably aren’t going to match with a Sports Illustrated model – but you can match with someone attractive. Will they be overweight? Possibly, but so are you.
If you’re a white guy living in small-town Vermont, and you’re only interested in Japanese women or a big-city lady exclusively interested in cowboys, you’re going to have a bad time. Manage your expectations!
You can find someone who will make you happy and will duck you like the amazing rock-star you are if you promise to stay on planet earth with regards to expectations. Listen, I’m not judging you for being attracted to gorgeous humans… Everyone does a double-take when they see a hottie. I’m just (lovingly) suggesting that you don’t put all your eggs in their unrealistic basket.
Your Photos Are Unattractive
Note that I said your PHOTOS are unattractive, not that you’re unattractive. Don’t be dramatic, just take better pictures.
Think of your photos as the qualifying race. Most women will read your bio, but not until they’re attracted to your pictures. Even people looking for their soulmate want to be attracted to them. Let’s put some effort in to show off your best features!
Your Bio and Prompts are Bad
Your prospective matches aren’t interested in a corny pun, your life story, a list of requirements for your dream partner, douchey bragging, or complaining about how much you hate online dating. They’re looking for someone to feel excited about. Write a bio that’s incredibly charming, informative, and humanizes the hell out of you.
Rural Town Blues
As a small-town survivor myself, I feel you. I understand that the pickins can be slim. Consider changing your zip-code to the nearest decent-sized town. Don’t catfish her and say that you’re from NYC if you’re in Kansas, but it’s fine to use the zip-code of a nearby town as long as you’re upfront about where you live AND are willing to do most of the traveling.
You’re almost certainly not too ugly for online dating. You’re just doing a poor job at marketing yourself. Do yourself a favor next time you catch yourself throwing a pity party: take a good, long look at your profile to make sure that you’re putting your best foot forward, and then adjust accordingly.
Dating apps are essentially marketing campaigns. It isn’t about what you look like, who you are, or what you want. It’s about your ability to market yourself effectively to your intended audience. As someone who has built dating profiles for 20-30 people a week, every week, for three years, trust me- you don’t have to be Hottie McHotterson to make online dating work for you.