Dating trends come and go, but one first-date idea has long been a staple: the humble coffee meet-up. Lately, though, debate is brewing (pun intended) about whether the classic coffee date is falling out of fashion.
Some daters — especially on Threads and Reddit — call it lazy, unromantic, or cheap. Others still swear by it as the perfect low-pressure way to meet someone new.
So what’s the vibe now? Let’s dig into what real singles are saying and whether the coffee date still deserves a spot in your dating rotation.
Why singles still love the coffee date
Despite the backlash, coffee dates remain popular — and for good reason:
1. Coffee dates are low-stakes and low-pressure.
A quick coffee meet involves minimal investment of time and money. As one Reddit user noted, “coffee or drinks are an ideal first date because you can easily leave if the date doesn’t go well and it’s not too much of a time or financial commitment.”
Likewise, one guy shared that he isn’t “spending that much money on someone [he hasn’t] even met yet.”
2. Coffee dates feel safe and comfortable.
Meeting at a coffee shop often feels safer and more relaxed, especially for women or anyone anxious about first dates. The setting is public, daytime, and usually populated, which can put people at ease. One woman in her 40s said she always prefers a coffee/tea date because it’s “low key enough for no pressure, public enough for safety, quiet enough to talk and connect, and easy enough to wrap things up early in case things don’t work out.”
3. It’s easy to have a conversation.
Instead of yelling over loud music and then awkwardly screaming into the silence when the music lags, cafes are way more chill. It’s easy to talk and get to know one another without a ton of distractions. Plus, your throat will thank you.
And if the vibe is good, you can always extend a coffee date – grab a second cup, go for a walk, or pivot to lunch or another activity. Some savvy daters even plan for this. “Let’s meet for coffee at X, and if we’re having a great time and want to continue, we’ll be near Y (a restaurant),” as one woman’s date suggested, giving them an easy out or the option to seamlessly upgrade to dinner.
4. Coffee dates offer a non-intimidating exit with no hard feelings.
Because coffee meet-ups are intentionally brief and casual, there’s a mutual understanding that either person can leave after one drink without awkwardness.
Contrast that with a formal dinner: you’re locked in for an hour or more, and someone’s potentially out $50+ if the date sucks. With coffee, no big deal – you both invested about five bucks and can politely part ways. This low-commitment format takes pressure off both sides.
The Backlash: Why some daters say “no” to coffee dates
For some, the simplicity that makes coffee dates appealing is exactly what makes them feel underwhelming. Here’s what the coffee date critics have to say:
1. It feels like the bare minimum.
Some women interpret “let’s grab coffee” as a guy’s way of keeping things cheap and easy.
As one commenter explained, if she’s spent an hour getting ready and traveling to meet someone, the date should be “something actually worth all that time,” not just “inviting me to a Starbucks halfway across town.” To her, a generic coffee invite feels like the bare minimum.
Specific online communities insist that men should “make an effort” for a proper first date, stating, “if he really liked you, he’d plan something more special than a 30-minute coffee chat.”
2. It feels like an interview.
Another complaint is that “coffee dates are so formal, it feels stiff and impersonal.” You sit across the table and fire questions back and forth, and it can start to feel like a job interview or interrogation rather than a flirty first date.
3. Coffee dates lack romance.
Many also argue that the typical coffee shop setting just isn’t romantic. The bright lighting, the line of customers, the baristas calling out orders – it’s not exactly The Notebook vibe. “There’s nothing romantic about it at all,” one woman quipped, saying a café is “somewhere I’d take my grandmother, not a date.”
Many feel that an evening date (whether drinks, dinner, or an activity) naturally sets a mood; dim lighting, maybe music, or a glass of wine is better than noon at Starbucks.
What daters often miss about coffee dates
A lot of the backlash ignores one key truth: you’re still strangers. There’s no rapport, no investment, no real sense of who the other person is. In fact, going all-out on an expensive, high-effort first date with someone you’ve never met can sometimes feel more like desperation than romance.
No matter how attractive, kind, or dateable someone seems, no one owes anyone a big investment before there’s a real connection. Everyone wants to feel special, and that’s completely valid. But in the world of dating apps, “special” is built over time, not handed out at hello.
That said, we totally understand the frustration. A lot of women put serious time and effort into getting ready—hair, makeup, outfit—only to be met by a guy who looks like he just rolled out of bed. If you’re asking someone out for coffee, show up like you care. Look sharp, be present, and be an engaging conversationalist.
If coffee feels too casual for your preferences, that’s totally fine. Say so. The right match will pivot. Just don’t confuse “casual” with “careless” or “budget-friendly” with “lazy.” Treat coffee like a low-pressure vibe check, rather than a lack of respect. If that goes well, effort tends to level up naturally.
Because at the end of the day, dating is a risk for everyone. Reddit is full of guys ghosted after pricey dinners and women disappointed by dull coffee chats. But if you’re fixated on the format, you might be missing the point: Is there a spark? Is there chemistry? That’s what matters.
Coffee or not, here’s what works
Whether you’re team coffee or team “something more,” the format of the first date matters less than how well it fits the context.
A quick meet makes sense if you just matched and barely know each other, but only if you’re nearby. When someone’s traveling across town (or further), a simple coffee can feel underwhelming. In those cases, putting a little more thought into the plan shows respect for their time and effort.
On the flip side, if you’ve been messaging for weeks and already know each other’s favorite childhood snacks, upping the date game can feel more natural and deserved.
But remember: effort doesn’t have to mean expensive. Choosing a café with good vibes, showing up on time, dressing intentionally, and holding a real conversation? That’s effort. It’s all about the thought behind the invite, not the price tag.
But none of that happens without the first impression.
If your dating photos aren’t pulling the right people in, you won’t even get to the coffee stage.
That’s where Photofeeler comes in.
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Because better photos = better matches = better first dates.
Coffee or not, it all starts with getting noticed for the right reasons.