Dating apps give us a million options, but not much direction. Swiping is easy, but the follow-through on the connection is where it gets challenging. Many matches disappear quickly, while the ones that stick around often get stuck in a repetitive cycle of “hey, how was your day?” messages—until someone finally sets up an in-person date.
So, if you’ve already gotten to the planned date phase, this article is full of tips to ensure it goes as well as possible, both sides have fun, and you gain something from the experience (even if they’re not your perfect match).
10 Tips to Make Every First Date a Good One
1. Shift your mindset before you even show up.
Most people go into a date thinking, “I hope they like me,” instead of “Do I like them?”
This switch changes everything. When you stop auditioning and start observing, you naturally become more confident, grounded, and engaging. You’re not desperate for approval; you’re curious. That vibe is attractive.
Chase less and choose more.
2. Don’t treat the date like a performance.
You don’t need to tell your life story, resume, or seven anecdotes about your dog’s personality.
Instead, try this rule of thumb:
Talk 40%. Listen 60%. Ask follow-ups.
The best first dates feel like a game of ping-pong, not a TED Talk. And if there’s an awkward silence, it’s okay. Let it breathe. You don’t need to panic or fill every gap. Sometimes, a smile and “hmm, that’s interesting” does more than launching into a backup monologue.
3. Make it easy for chemistry to happen.
If your last four dates have been dinner and drinks, and they all felt stale, it’s probably not you. It’s the format.
Sitting across a table with a stranger can feel like an interview under dim lighting. Try changing it up:
- A walk through a park or along the water
- Browsing a used bookstore or quirky gift shop
- Hitting up a food truck and wandering the city
- Playing a casual game (arcade bar, mini golf, etc.)
- Visiting a dog park—even if it’s just to people-watch
Moving around gives you natural things to comment on and breaks the tension. You don’t have to generate all the energy yourself. Instead, let your surroundings provide the entertainment, start conversations, and have a better chance to be playful, spontaneous, and authentic.
4. Keep it short and end on a high.
This one’s underrated: Don’t drag the date out just because you could. Even if it’s going well, ending it on a high note increases your odds of a second date.
Aim for 90 minutes max on a first date. Leave them smiling, not glancing at their watch or waiting for the check. If things click, there’s plenty of time for longer hangouts later. Give them something to miss.
5. If you’re not feeling it, be honest and kind.
Not every first date turns into a second. That’s okay. But if you already know it’s a no, don’t ghost. Don’t lead them on with vague “maybe sometime!” texts. Just say:
“It was great meeting you. I don’t feel we’re a match, but I really appreciated your time.”
Directness with respect is rare and refreshing. You don’t need to give a full explanation. Just give closure. It shows maturity and frees you both to move on.
6. And if you’re the one getting rejected, be a class act.
People remember how you made them feel, especially after a “no.” Don’t guilt trip. Don’t act cold. Don’t try to argue your way back in.
The most attractive response to rejection is grace: “Totally understand. Thanks for being honest—wishing you the best.”
It’s that simple. Rejection is redirection. Respect creates reputation, and you never know who they might talk to or what they might remember about you.
7. Your photos set the tone for the whole experience.
First dates don’t start on the date—they start with your profile. And if your photos aren’t aligned with the real you, you’re already working uphill.
- Don’t rely on group shots, sunglasses, or 2017 beach selfies.
- Use recent photos where you look like you on your best day.
- Show variety: full-body, casual, a smile, something fun.
If you’re unsure how your photos land, get human feedback from Photofeeler. Because a mismatch between photo and reality is the #1 chemistry killer before the first drink even arrives. The better you look in your photos, the better your messages and overall dating experience will be.
8. Bring curiosity, not a checklist.
We all have preferences. But if you show up mentally checking boxes (job title, car, political views), you’ll miss what matters: how you feel around them.
Are you relaxed? Are you having fun? Do you laugh? Can you be yourself, or do you feel like you’re being judged?
These questions are way more important than surface stats. It’s not your job to salvage the date. It’s your job to pay attention to how you feel in it.
Don’t be attached to your phone, especially if the conversation is flowing. Once you pick up your phone, you put down the vibes; simple as that.
9. Don’t over-text before meeting.
Spending a week texting like pen pals before meeting is a big mistake. Texting should build curiosity, not become the whole relationship.
The goal of chatting isn’t to build an emotional bond before meeting; it’s to set up a date. Once there’s a basic rapport, say something that feels natural to set up an in-person meeting.
“We should talk more over dinner this week, Thursday?”
Waiting too long usually kills momentum, not builds it.
10. Match their energy.
One woman on Reddit put it perfectly:
“If I’m into a guy, I want daily contact, ideally calls or texts. But if I’m unsure, too much attention feels like pressure.”
So, match their pace. Don’t fall off the map, but don’t overwhelm them with daily updates if they respond only once a day. Let things unfold naturally.
The real win is learning to date with purpose.
- You don’t need to be the most impressive person in the room. Just the most present.
- You’re not trying to “win” someone over. You’re trying to see if there’s a real connection.
- You can’t force chemistry. But you can create the space for it to show up.
- Play to your audience. Your profile is not for you. It’s for whom you want to attract.
👏Every date teaches you something.👏
Even a “meh” night out sharpens your radar and boosts your confidence for the next one. You’re learning how to relax, how to spot red flags early, and how to know when you’re genuinely excited about someone.
Dating becomes much more enjoyable when you stop trying to “get chosen” and start choosing for yourself.
We’ll help you get more choices for first dates by ensuring your profile photos attract matches. Test a photo for free on Photofeeler now!