Dating app profiles are basically tiny personal billboards; everyone’s got assets they want to publicize:
“I am good at this.”
“I provide this type of experience.”
“I have XYZ.”
By all means, you should show what you’ve got going for you, but it’s essential to do so in a way that reads as confident and secure, rather than performative or inauthentic.
If someone writes “I’m successful / I’m attractive / I’m a great partner,” your brain doesn’t go “Ah yes, I totally believe them,” it goes, “Why are they trying to convince me?” It’s the same reason the old sentiment sticks: Nice people don’t need to say they’re nice, you can just tell.
So, how can you display your strengths and assets without “best-in-show” energy?
You show the evidence, casually through photos and prompts that support the story you want your profile to tell. And the type of photo matters, because not all “proof” lands the same. This article will show you how to smoothly present what you’re working with in a confident, authentic, and inviting way.
The cheat code is looking “chosen” instead of “trying.”
“Chosen” is looking selected instead of selling yourself.
People who already have social traction—friends, momentum, a life—don’t show up with an I need to prove myself vibe; they look secure.
Matches are allured by subtle sexiness, attraction, smarts, and wit. When it’s too in-your-face, it feels disingenuous, try-hard, ego-tripping, even insecure.
Chosen energy is the opposite. It’s when you look good in a way that feels effortless, like your best traits are just part of the scene, not the whole point of it; “I look good, and I don’t need to prove it” energy.
It’s the difference between flexing your arms in a mirror (curated) vs. a photo with friends where your arms just happen to look big (chosen).
Chosen energy reads as calm confidence. Instead of pleading your case, you’re letting people pick up the message naturally, and that’s usually what feels most attractive.
Quick rule: If the photo feels like it exists only to show off, it’s probably “trying.” If it feels like a real moment where you happen to look great, it’s “chosen.”
If you want to show you’re muscular (without screaming “LOOK AT ME”)
Do:
- Wear a fitted shirt in good light (golden hour, window light, outdoors)
- Take a photo doing something normal where your build is visible (walking, hiking, at a casual event)
- Take a photo that shows shoulders/arms naturally, not posed like a bodybuilding ad
Don’t:
- Post up a shirtless gym mirror selfie
- Use an obvious flexing photo
- Write how fit you are in your bio… people can see
Women like it when they think they’re discovering your muscles; it’s sultry and mysterious. Rubbing your 8-pack in their face seems like an impromptu Magic Mike audition.
If you want to show your butt/curves/sex appeal (tastefully)
You can absolutely be sexy without tipping into full “thirst trap” mode, and honestly, tasteful usually pulls better matches. The goal isn’t to hide your body or your curves. It’s to show them in a way that attracts more than just the “here for one thing” crowd.
Do:
- Wear a flattering outfit that fits well (jeans, dress, tailored looks), or use the opportunity of a beach vacation to snap a natural bikini pic
- A photo with a confident posture + good lighting
- Focus on subtle sexual appeal, not explicit. Ex: “I look effortlessly good” vibe, not “please acknowledge how hot I am”
Don’t:
- Poses in extreme or unnatural angles designed only to show body parts and curves
- Use underwear/lingerie selfies (unless your app vibe is explicitly casual/hookup and you want that filter)
If you want to show you’re successful (without looking egotistical or pretentious)
Success is one of the easiest things to show off badly, because the “obvious” signals like fancy cars, luxury watches/purses, extravagant vacations, expensive champagne, private jets, etc., are basically universal red flags. You want people to assume you live well rather than feel you expect them to bend the knee in your presence.
Do:
- Focus on backgrounds: nice Airbnbs, hotel shots, cool restaurants, nice places, but as a background, not the subject
- Have most of the photo be about you looking like you belong there
- Dress clean, stay groomed, and look well-put-together in a normal setting
- Play the host: set a table, pour wine, grill, set up something– this signals competence, stability, and adulthood, which people view as “success”
Don’t:
- Flash luxury brands
- Post a bio with “Entrepreneur” + a money emoji + motivational quote energy
- Upload photos that feel like you’re trying to buy attraction
- Use photos where things are more center-fold than you
If you want to show you’re educated (without sounding like bragging to your LinkedIn followers)
If the app lets you list your school or degree, use it. That’s the cleanest, least-cringey way to signal education.
Then, let the rest of your profile imply it. Don’t try to prove you’re smart, just show the kinds of things you’re into. Education is most attractive when it reads as curiosity and taste, not as a title you want credit for.
Do:
- Use revealing prompts, like Hinge’s:
“I geek out on/I go crazy for”
“The dorkiest thing about me is” - Invite or share new information with your bio:
“I’ll fall for you if you can teach me something random.”
My current rabbit hole: ___.” (Book, topic, hobby, idea.) - Include one photo that shows you in your world:
- Strolling through a museum/gallery
- Reading at a bookshop/coffee shop reading vibe
- Talking at an event/conference (casual, not staged)
- A travel photo that feels curious/exploratory
- A photo of your bookshelf (our personal favorite)
Don’t:
- List credentials like a résumé (“MBA, published author, blah blah…”)
- Use prompts that correct people or sound smug, ex, “Grammar really BOTHERS me because I have a Ph.D”
- Use your med-school graduation photo in your profile (also, isn’t that violating HIPAA or something? Idk, we just run photo feedback)
If you want to show your height (without making it weird)
Yes, some people care. No, you don’t need to make it your personality.
Do:
- Just list it (most apps have this field)
- Or include one full-body photo and one group photo where you’re clearly identifiable, and preferably the tallest friend
- Be full-on confident in your height, because if it’s not now, it’s later. Don’t lie about being taller/shorter than you are, because eventually, if all things go well, you’re going to meet in person.
Don’t:
- Put “6’2 because apparently that matters” in your bio
- Make height jokes that sound resentful
If you want to show “dad vibe” (safe, steady, dependable)
A lot of people are attracted to stability, warmth, and competence; they just don’t want to read it.
Do:
- Use a photo with animals or children (but state if they’re yours or not before your date expects you to show up with a puppy/baby)
- A photo doing something responsible:
- cooking
- fixing something
- hosting friends
- outdoor/daytime activities
- Prompts that communicate values without pleading:
- “Green flags I respect: kindness, consistency, and showing up.”
- “I’m weirdly good at: planning a great weekend.”
Don’t:
- Fill your bio with the cliches: “I’m a good guy” / “I’m husband material,” let them decide
- Make it feel like you’re trying to audition as a spouse
If you want to show you’re social (but not a party liability)
People want to know you have friends and a life, not that they’ll have to babysit drunk you on a night out.
Also, the company you’re showing matters because not all social proof reads the same. Ex: A photo of you and your pickleball friends is much more inviting than a photo of your pack of same-gender friends at a bachelor/ette party.
A profile says, “This is your life if you date me,” so make sure the setting is one they could see themselves in.
Do:
- One group photo where you’re clearly the focus (and it’s not 12 people in a smoky club)
- One photo at a casual social setting (wedding, backyard hang, dinner, game night, something in the wild)
- A prompt that implies community:
“Most weekends you’ll find me ___ with friends.”
Don’t:
- Have every photo be you roaming the streets like a rogue raccoon
- Use too many group photos or use the group pic as your primary profile pic
- Look wasted in any photo (automatic flight risk)
- Use blurry shots– they’re not aesthetic
How to know if your photos are landing
If you’re unsure whether something reads confident or try-hard, ask yourself these three quick questions:
- Is my flex the subject of the photo?
- Does it invite connection?
- Does your profile feel like a person, not a pitch?
If the car/booty/abs/setting takes up more attention than you, dial it back.
The best “showing off” makes someone want to be part of your life.
The highest-performing profiles usually:
✔️ Look good (lighting, angles, variety)
✔️ Signal value (without begging for credit)
✔️ Feel human (warmth + ease)
Or, skip the debate and test them on Photofeeler.
Pick a few contenders, run some quick tests, and build a profile that shows off your best traits without ever having to say them.